i want to be anywhere else
i hate this sphere / i hate the magnets and i hate the tears and pressure and the core of the earth / i want support i want to be a community and i wish i was a collective instead of a person / i wish it was easy i wish i would stop preempting the thoughts that come to their minds / "predicting" them and assuming i had the power to place them / i want what is in the storybooks (a family) (people who take care of me as much as i take care of them) / i wish i could love better / i wish i didn't care as much about things that only matter to me / wasted energy and wasted blood that i rip out of my body like a sacrifice whenever i ask do i look okay? did i say too much? each fucking sentence like a piece of my eye, extending a mutilated organ to people who just don't care. i wish something preempted this / i wish i just didn't feel like this all the time / it's the winter because when it's summer i don't feel like this and all the same i desire the romance of winter and despise the heat of summer / i am happiest in the summer / in my dark room / when it's quiet and all you can hear is the air conditioning / and when i don't respond to a text no one calls me / i hate how i can't just pick it up and respond like a normal person i have to prolong it until they're mad and the world is angry and it's on strike there's a war there's an election there's a law and there's my mouth pouring out its thoughts even though no / one / cares (i care)